Crashnastics and doubles manscaping

My friend Lindsay and I have a method of communicating we have dubbed 'yellaughing.' We are probably very annoying to other people, but we make each other flat-out giddy and we are just naturally loud and always have been and the rest of the world can just suck it.

All of that to say: Rejected Olympic events. Lindsay started texting me late one night last week (she lives tragically far from me and is three hours behind) with ideas for rejected Olympic events. The junkstroke. Volleymuffin. Javeljump.

And I immediately began yellaughing and playing the rejected Olympic events game and we texted for DAYS, people. And we yellaughed sitting at our respective desks in our respective time zones. (We also have a name for when we yellaugh at inappropriate times and places: DOAM. As in I just Disturbed Others Around Me.)

So this is our list, and I will assert here that some of this is not as ridiculous as trampoline, which is a legit Olympic event. Also, because any hilarious idea we have the Interweb has already had, I just discovered a hashtag on Twitter: #RejectedOlympicEvents.

But ours are funnier, dammit.

Javeljump

Team napping

  

Competitive cursing (I am a total contender for this one.)

Rhythmic kickball

Synchronized spooning

Bumper boating

  

Volleymuffin

Junkstroke

  

Crashnastics

Ribbon curling

Thumb wrestling

Speed gossip

Pole dancing

Roller derby

Cookie toss

Spouse jump

Speed braiding

Relay piercing

Ice cycling

Naked hurdles

Basketbrawl

Checkers

Long dive

Emapanadas making

Bigot punching

Message spinning

Synchronized face-slapping

Road tripping

Cycle carry

Doubles manscaping (sponsored by Chik-fil-A)

Grammar slam

The limbo

Women’s beach volleyball watching

Speedo squeeze

Quintuple jump

Synchronized strudel-making

Also, there is a special digital Olympics category that includes:

Cable wrangling

Pretending to listen

Competitive friending

Hyperlinking

Walktexting

Technical speed walktexting

Tweetoff

Speed googling

Excel metrics

You got any to add? This is a team sport, folks!